Day 15: Errands and Eels

Today started slow. Carol asked me to come with her to do errands. She said, “If you want to know what mission life is like, let me show you some of the boring stuff.” We went to the bank and electric company to pay bills. This small trip clarified an unspoken difference of Africa and America. In America, everything is convenient. Pay bills online, by check, autodraft, by phone, or by telepathy. In Africa, nothing is “convenient.” It isn’t even a goal. At the Barclay’s bank you wait in line. (Think amusement park style). There aren’t enough tellers and you have to wait too long. At the electric company, there were seven teller windows like a bank or racetrack betting office, and the lines were twenty people deep. You pay your bill in cash. And you wait in line every month. Now this sounds awful, but the point isn’t to make it convenient. Americans think that should be the point, but in Africa, relationship is the point. 

You see the same teller. You greet him. You connect with him. Nothing is easy. It isn’t supposed to be. If things were easy, you could do everything yourself. You would have no need to connect with a person. In Africa, EVERYTHING is who you know. You want to call the US, you talk to the guy who works at the phone card store. No it’s not easy. You can’t just buy the card and follow the instructions. He has to explain to you what are the new rule that contradict the printing on the scratch card. This isn’t bad or broken. It’s relationships. Remember the hardware store I mentioned? Now I know why they had a counter and no browsing aisles: relationship. You need the person to get you the part. If you could get the part yourself you wouldn’t need the person. There’s no relationship there. When I say relationships, I’m not talking penpals or best friends. It is simply human connection. 

We ran a couple of errands and I learned about Africa. Then I went to the beach of the Indian Ocean.

Supposedly, Mombassa has great snorkeling. There is a giant reef that protects the beach from big waves. Well, reef = cool fish/sealife so at low tide you go to the reef and see the pretty fishies. Carol took me to a ritzy hotel so I could hook up with there water sports tour and go out. I arrived thirty minutes late. Low tide had passed and my only chance was tomorrow’s cruise at 2:00 pm. Drat. Then Carol says, “Let’s go hire someone on the beach to take you.”

And like prophecy, meet Tobias. He looks like a total African beach bum. Skinny with a rasta knit hat, baggy shorts, billowing sun-bleached blue shirt. Carol and Tobias negotiate a price to take me to the reef. We settle and Carol makes arrangements to pick me up in three hours. She goes back to the car, I follow Tobias to down the beach.

We walk for several hundred yards down the beach and pass at least two hotels. He asks, “you have the money?” I pay him and watch him count the bills in my clip. Drat. Well, my only chance is relationship.

“So where’s your boat?” I ask looking at the beach craft.

“Right der.” He points.

Oh. No it isn’t.

 

Stop right here:
I need you to SEE this. A giant white beach with teal water lapping the sand, and deep blue stretching out past the reef and far on the horizon giant waves whisper on the wind. And there is his boat. You know the boat. It’s the one Tom Hanks used to escape the Island on “Castaway.” 

“Dis is an African sail boat.” Tobias said as he summoned two other Africans who seemed unwilling or unable to speak english. They spoke about my wallet for several minutes while they readied the boat. And then I start thinking. “Great. They are going to kill me for 1000 shillings ($18) and dump me in the ocean.” I went with them. I don’t know why, but I did. You know all those self-defense testimonials where they say they had a bad feeling, etc. I had a bad feeling, but I really wanted to go snorkeling. Soon we sailed out onto the water. And my bad feeling got worse. The only way to survive, relationship.

“So what kind of wood is the boat made of?” I asked.

“Mango. Some tribes when a mango tree stops making fruit make charcoal. My tribe; they make a boat.” New African guy bragged. “Even if it is filled with water, it still floats. Due to the out riggers (pontoon looking side things)”

“That’s amazing.” I said. But I wasn’t worried about the boat. 

Actually, the sailing was really pleasant and just when I was digging it we hit the reef. My eyes got big and the bragging guy said, “sokay. It’s da reef. You get out here.” He pointed… “look.” And there on the middle of the ocean is a guy walking on the water. “Get out.”

I got out and stood on solid coral.  It was surreal. We had sailed over deep blue water to the reef, but the reef is so huge that at low tide you walk on the water. Tobias grabbed my bag and hopped out with me. The waves were crashing a couple hundred hards out and we had acres and acres of walking room. The boat pulled away and waved as we stood on the ocean with water up to our ankles.

Tobias and I walked for ten minutes and caught up to the guy we saw walking. He was hunting octopus who hid in the tiny caves of the tide pools. I could have bought one of the two foot long octopus he had skewered for a $1.50. I chose to pass while watching the tentacles writhe in slow motion. (I’m never eating that. Ever)

Eventually I saw a turquoise circle on the horizon and Tobias said go in here. So I donned mask and snorkel and descended into the lagoon. It felt great to submerge in water. I haven’t had a warm shower in over two weeks and of those most are cold water sailor showers. (Spray, turn off water, soap up, spray rinse and shiver) I saw lots of fish, urchins, anemones, clown fish, green fish, yellow and black, black and white, and a few random rainbow ones. I was so immersed in how cool it was to be snorkeling in the Indian Ocean I didn’t notice the giant eel that charged me. Okay. I’ll tell the truth. I wasn’t paying attention because I was pretending to be Darth Vader. (Underwater a snorkel sounds like Vader. I’m not weird. Lots of people have thought it. I’m just open to admit it) But while I was contemplating the dark side of the force and all of the spiritual ramifications a huge eel was coming right at me. Now he wasn’t shrieking eel sized, but if you make your hand as big as if you were holding a thick cheeseburger; that’s how big around he was. And I hacked him off something fierce. Possibly he was a Jedi eel? Regardless, I panicked and kicked my Teva sandals trying to escape. Obviously, my power was greater because he turned to leave, but my heart was thumping.

Then I remembered that I was alone on a coral reef with an unknown man. I popped up and saw Tobias standing like a picture. Dark skin against blue sky with his shirt flapping around him. “I’m cool,” I thought and plunged in again. Later I moved to another larger area, I saw more and cooler things (no charging eels) but less concentrated.  I could feel the tide coming back in and knew it was time to go. I emerged. Tobias and I walked the reef to meet the boat. 

Overall, the snorkeling wasn’t that great. I was told it was amazing. So I asked.

“So. If I took the hotel tour, is this where they would have taken me?” I asked.

“No. They go way out der to the coral reef.” Tobias confessed.

“Why didn’t we go out there?” I asked

“No time now the tides coming back.” He lied. “You had a good time no?” 

“Yeah. Well thanks any way. I enjoyed it.” I said.

So another mzungu gets conned, but at least I didn’t get killed. On the boat ride home the sailors wanted to talk about Obama. I smiled the whole way with sun on my face and salt on my skin.

 

Just to be clear: I showered as soon as I got home.